Redphoenix.no-ip.org freeware, quotes, thoughts, and lyrics

"Some people are like a slinky. Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
"I hate people who are intolerant of other people!"
"I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either."
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer."
"Accept that somedays you're the pigeon, and somedays you're the statue."
"Intelligence is like underwear, everyone should have it, but we shouldn't show it off."
"Be careful whose toes you step on today, they might be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow."
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself - "Where the hell is the ceiling???"
"I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. "
"The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those that got there first."
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
"Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again."
"There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives."
"Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car."
"If you can't read this, you're illiterate."
"He who hesitates is boss."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance."
"Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired."
"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."
"Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"I intend to live forever - so far, so good"
"Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States"
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met"
"I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week"
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm"
"If a man is in the forest all alone thinking, is he still wrong?"
"If a tree falls in the forest and kills a mime. Does anyone care?"
"Why do we sterilize needles for lethal injections?"
"Birds may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet ingens."
"For some reason I've always wondered what it would be like if the earth was a giant cube circling around the sun."
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
"Rehab is for quitters."
"If at first you don't succeed destroy all of the evidence that you tried."
"If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents."
"The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"28% of Americans think our army's high-tech military equipment is to expensive to risk in combat."
"Two wrongs are only the beginning"
"Have you ever noticed that no one is really listening until you make a mistake."
"Success always occurs in private and failure in full view."
"Always remember 49.9% of your friends are below average."
"The problem with the gene pool is, that there is no lifeguard."
"stock up and save... limit one"
"the only substitute for good manners is fast reflaxes"
"The sooner you fall behind the more time you have to catch up."
"Why do they report power outages on TV?"
"Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
"Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?"
"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"
"I'd rather be rich than stupid"
"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
"If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day 365 days a year, why do they have locks on the doors?"
"Do you need a silencer if your going to shoot a mime?"
"Why isn't phonetic spelled the whay it sounds?"